How to (sort of) restore crystal

When a dinner guest cuts his lip on your chipped crystal wineglass, what is the appropriate response?

1. Pretend not to notice the bleeding
2. Laugh and point
3. Instruct your guest to drink from the other side of the rim

After performing successful triage on your guest's injury, what is the correct way to deal with the offending glassware?

1. Wrap it carefully in a paper bag and dispose of it in the garbage
2. Cover the rim with hockey tape and continue entertaining
3. Apologize profusely, take the glass to the kitchen, wash it and put it back on the shelf

El Chippo

I eloped so I don't have any traditional wedding swag like crystal goblets or nine toaster ovens. But I do have access to my Mum's dwindling supply of 50s crystal highball glasses, plus a few crystal vases and decanters. Most of them are chipped, so I'm forced to be vigilant with guests (especially the ones that drink out of the vases).

It finally occurred to me that there must be some DIY technique for polishing out the dings and chips in crystal, or at least taking the razor edge off them so there are no more lawsuits after dinner parties.

Diamonds are harder than glass so I tried a diamond nail file on a nasty little rim chip. But the flat shape of the nail file was unwieldy so all I really did was dull the finish on the glass around the chip. The chip was still there, smirking.

Then I ran across the Crystal Saver diamond file. I almost didn't buy the little 4-inch half-round file because it cost $39, but, I reasoned, if it could save six or seven crystal glasses, it might be worthwhile.

Plus it's good for polishing out abrasions in china and ceramic as well as crystal, so what could I lose?

My mind.

It's slow. You've heard the expression "as exciting as watching paint dry"? Well, replace that with "as exciting as filing crystal smooth".

And the directions on the packaging use the one word that should be a red flag to any DIY enthusiast - "simply":

Simply moisten the file and rub back and forth. Generally (TIP: "generally" is another suspicious word) only a few strokes are needed.

And by 'few' they mean several trillion.

But the final effect was pretty good. The little crescent-shaped chip went from jagged and threatening, to smooth and inconspicuous.

But I craved speed. I decided to ratchet up the excitement and go for power. I located my Dremel and inserted a conical diamond bit, then donned a dust mask and eye protection. I dipped both the wine glass and the bit in water to reduce friction and overheating. The first glass I worked on was pure overkill. The diamond bit was so effective that I instantly disfigured the glass with a huge white patch of over-enthusiasm. I tried to polish out the cloudy, etched area using the Crystal Saver, but the damage was way beyond that. And although I'd smoothed the sharp spot, I'd also carved it deeper into the side of the glass, so it now acted more like a jug spout. Nice.

Slow Biz

So I went back to the Crystal Saver to work on a decanter neck. And that's when I had my epiphany. You really do just use a few strokes. Your goal is not restoring the glass to symmetry and perfection; you just want to extend its life.

So now, I humbly report, the way to repair chipped crystal is the one way I've never done anything. Slowly.

If you can't afford the Crystal Saver, go to the automotive department in your favourite hardware store and get some 600-grit wet/dry sandpaper. Moisten a small piece, wrap it around a pencil, and use it as a buffing tool.

Remember, you're taking off the sharp edges, not buffing the crystal to death. It's kind of like having cosmetic surgery in middle age. The goal is to look 38 again, not 18.

Shop Talk

• The Crystal Saver is available in Canada from The Added Touch. You can also order it from Amazon.com.
• Silicon carbide wet/dry 600 grit sandpaper is available in the automotive department of your favourite hardware store. Lee Valley Tools stocks even finer micro-abrasive sheets (from 1000 to 9000 grit) if you want to polish the repaired glass surface back to its almost-original state.

Bonus tip: Never use Floralife (flower food) in a crystal vase. The acids in the powder react with the lead in the crystal, which causes the interior surface of the crystal to become cloudy.