DIY inventiveness for lateral thinkers

The superior fix-it person always has a devious streak. Some of us are very talented in this department. How about you? Take this simple quiz to score your DIY aptitude:

1. When you were a kid, did you ever get together with other kids and set off firecrackers NOT ON Firecracker Day, or build a forbidden fort in Old Man Johnson's back field, or stand around in a circle, drop trousers and observe the differences in each other's personal regions?
2. Were any of these activities undertaken without the express permission of your parents?
3. When confronted by your parents with evidence of wrongdoing, was your position usually, "It wasn't me. It was Richard Campbell."

If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, you already possess classic DIY flair. You're apt to go looking for trouble but you seldom work alone, meaning there's no danger of having to accept total responsibility for the outcome.

There are lots of people just like us. We recognize each other at parties. We're the ones who hang around the kitchen trying to figure out how the cappuccino machine works, and after the explosion we leave quietly through the back door without our coats.

We have creativity, but it's unconventional creativity. We'll probably never get rich with this kind of creativity, but we're important to society in other ways. For example, if it weren't for us, manufacturers wouldn't have to print, "Not to be put over head" on plastic bags, and hardware stores wouldn't have that 'no returns' policy on cracked toilets.

We like finding new ways to do things; preferably hard ways that start with enormous difficulty and end with hiding.

We have improvising natures. We don't exactly use creative license; it's more of a creative subpoena, because we can't help what we do.

Here are a few ways of being unconventionally creative, in case you haven't thought of them already.

Way #1

If you're in the mood to hang something on the wall but you don't own an electronic stud-finder (or can't find it), you can improvise with any small electric appliance. Some people like using the backside of an electric razor, but my favourite is an electric mixer without the beaters.

Start by plugging the unit in and turning it on. Place its underside flat on the wall. The pitch of the vibration will change as you move the appliance along the wall surface. It will sound sort of hollow and buzzy over most of the wall, but when it travels over a stud, the buzz will change slightly to a flatter hum. Distinguishing between these sounds requires sensitive hearing, but no more than it takes to hear a potato chip bag being opened in the kitchen by someone who is supposed to be on a diet.

When choosing your improvised stud-finder, be careful to select an all-plastic appliance that won't mark the wall. I tried a cocktail mixing wand but the aluminium blade guard made dark streaks on the wall. Fortunately I was able to remove the marks before our guests arrived, thanks for asking. Unfortunately the pictures still weren't up.

Way #2

If you have a self-cleaning oven, you can freshen up your stainless steel barbecue grate by placing it in the oven and sending it through the self-clean cycle. Oh yeah, baby. Hamburger particles stuck to that grate since '77 can finally go to their maker. It's worth it just to be able to ask, "Where's the beef?" and jauntily answer yourself, "Vaporized, I'm guessing."

Way #3

Perhaps you don't own a ladder. It happens. You may have a transient lifestyle. A ladder would simply bridle you with responsibility.

But let's say you're doing a ceiling repair, or painting crown moulding. Need a lift? Make your own stilts out of 5-gallon buckets. Tape or bolt an old pair of shoes to two buckets. Slip those babies on and you'll tower over furniture. If that doesn't make you feel superior to most inanimate objects, what will? Wear the buckets, be a god.

Way #4

If you are one of Canada's 'winter challenged' drivers, fight asphalt with asphalt. How? Asphalt shingles are the ideal solution for getting out of slippery roadside predicaments. Throw a few spare lengths of asphalt shingling into the trunk of your car. If, or should I say when, you get stuck, toss the shingling under your troubled tires for instant traction.

Way #5

Let's say you have a big paint job on the horizon. Let's say you own a drill. Let's say you also own an electric mixer. Do you smell an improvisation? I do.

Insert a beater into the end of your drill and you have an instant paint paddle. Mix paint in seconds with the drill/beater combo. By the way, experience teaches that if you don't want to spatter paint on every vertical and horizontal surface within twelve feet including the underside of the piano, place the entire kit in a large paper bag before sparking up the drill.

These are all things I've tried and they worked for me, but I know you have your own ideas. Just use common sense. Remember the DIY motto: "The gene pool is crowded. Don't try anything that could jeopardize your place in the shallow end near the cute lifeguard."