Erasing Valentine's booboos with an arsenal of new stain removers

A lot of people prefer a romantic Valentine's dinner at home instead of going out to a restaurant. For one thing, you don't have to get dressed up, or dressed at all. You can share food and wine with abandon, and no one will question your manners or your age or even your legal rights. And you don't have to wait for a check, which can kill the frisky mood the pricey dinner just created.

The downside of having Valentine's dinner at home is the wine, oyster and chocolate spillage on the carpet. You may have to go into rug rehab. But you won't mind, because there's a solvent for everything, even cat barf (any self-respecting cat will upstage a romantic dinner with a digestive episode).

We have white carpet, which up until yesterday was a mixed media art project covered with the explosive-looking outlines of heinous spills - wine, beer, coffee, tea, rust, gravy, fruit juice, ink, unidentifiable greasy stuff and pet stains). But I found a few new products and now there's not a single shadow of a mark left in sight. Here's my updated collection of commercial stain-removal potions for your edification:

OxyKic

The Bissell people have nailed it with this no-scrub spot remover that activates the cleaning power of oxygen, combined with a tough spot remover. This stuff has to be number one in your arsenal of stain weapons. You shake the dual chamber assembly, spray it on, wait five minutes and blot. The miracle is worth yelling about, as it permanently lifts stains like coffee, beer and red wine, and greasy spots left by gravy upsets, ice cream accidents, or cat vomit. It has a slightly irritating perfume smell that ostensibly covers the odour of the solvents (Dimethyl ether, propylene glycol n-Propyl ether, Hydrogen peroxide) but holy moly, this stuff rocks. Must be used in a well-ventilated area, away from open flame, children and pets. Available at Zellers and KMart for about 8 bucks.

Wine Away

If you can't stand using chemical concoctions, your next best bet is Wine Away ($16), a biodegradable stain remover made from fruit and vegetable extracts. Wine Away excels at instantly removing tough stains like spaghetti sauce, grape juice and pet urine (who can resist a menu like that?). It has a mild citrus scent and is safe to use around children and pets. Works fine on carpet but is also great for fabric.

Magica Rust Remover

This product really thrilled me because my white carpet had a lot of rust spots left by the antique steel wheels under some of our chairs. Magica Rust Remover ($11) killed the rust in seconds. You just squeeze a little of it from the tube and watch it gobble up rust on carpet, clothing, bathroom fixtures, fibreglass, concrete, appliances, etc. It's got some kind of acid in it (it etches glass and dulls highly-polished surfaces), so you have to wear rubber gloves.

Magic Wand

For stains on clothing, Magic Wand ($5) is a handy little miracle worker. Non-toxic and biodegradable, Magic Wand gets out ballpoint ink, grass stains, perspiration, grease, blood and chocolate, to name a few unfortunate fluids. It requires water to activate it, so you won't see a stain just magically disappear until you wet it and scrub a bit. The Magic Wand people make a compact size Stain Remover Kit ($4) that belongs in every briefcase, car, purse and backpack if you or your relatives have a tendency to spill, spray and spew.

Find Wine Away, Magica and Magic Wand through various mail order suppliers including The Added Touch.

We're lucky to have the new spot removers, because in the old days my Mum just had a big bottle of carbon tetrachloride. She'd spot treat the new wall-to-wall broadloom and my brother and I would hurry along after her, dropping to our knees and sniffing the treated spots. When home use of carbon tetrachloride was phased out in the mid-60's for causing brain damage, that put an end to our fun, but it explains a lot about how my brother and I turned out.