Disguising nail holes in walls

They say that when you're about to die, your whole life flashes before you. And if your life has included some very bad repair jobs, having to watch yourself botch them all over again can finish you right off. So my question is, would we die anyway, or is the process of reviewing ghastly repairs the actual cause of death?

Perhaps I can comment on this. As the former owner of a short-circuiting toaster, I've had several chances to review my life. I can confirm that a flashback of an ugly wall-patch job was enough to make me want to 'quit this mortal coil' (a phrase attributed to Shakespeare after he attempted a fridge repair).

So let me share my tricks for fixing small holes in walls. I'm talking specifically about tiny screw holes and nail punctures left by previous installations of pictures, blinds, curtain rods, bookshelf brackets etc. These holes give homes a messy feeling, especially if they're at eye level. If you've moved into a house or apartment that's got lots of these little perforations, you can disguise them quickly, easily turning a wall into a flawless background for exhibiting your collection of blister-packed Hot Wheels.

Texture Lecture

Patch jobs can turn into total remodels if you lack restraint. When you use a putty knife or trowel to apply spackle or drywall compound, you can't help building up texture on the surface of the wall surrounding the hole. That texture is subtly different from the existing wall surface, and the discrepancy is almost impossible to fix later. Even under several coats of paint you'll still see the patch.

A more subtle approach is to try 'fooling the eye' by disguising the hole. This creates less mess, and is way less noticeable than feathering spackle in ever-widening circles in the vague hope that the more trouble you go to, the better the results will be.

Steps:

1. Carefully study the hole. If the nail was removed sloppily, it may have torn or lifted the paper sheathing on the sheetrock underneath the paint. Clean up the hole by cutting the loose paper edges back with a sharp knife. Remember, the idea is to keep the hole SMALL, not dig a strip mine. If you have an over-enthusiastic nature and don't trust yourself with the knife, you can instead press the paper back into the hole using a dull, convex object like the end of a Bic pen. Push the edges gently back into line with the plane of the wall so they don't protrude at all.
2. Fill each hole with a tiny dab of spackle or drywall compound. Use a toothpick or the tip of a small knife (artist's palette knives are great) to apply a very refined amount of compound to the hole. Scrape it be flush with the surface of the wall. It may shrink a bit as it dries, so you might need to repeat this step. If you smear any compound on the surrounding wall, wipe the excess away with a moistened Q-tip so no residue remains on the wall surface around the edges of the hole.
3. When the patching material is fully cured, use a fine artist's brush to dab it lightly with a drop of the original paint colour. All evidence of the hole instantly disappears. You can look away and look back and you won't be able to find it. Sweet.
4. If the previous tenants didn't leave any of the original paint behind, you can blend various shades of artist's acrylics into a base tint of white wall paint. (Make sure to match the base's gloss level with that of the paint you're trying to match.) Add and blend colours of acrylic paint until you get a shade that's close enough to work. If you're trying to match a very dark colour of paint, start with a clear base, rather than a white base.
5. If you're inexperienced with blending colours you will easily achieve a vast range of browns, but no blues, pinks, greens or yellows. This is a sign from the paint gods that you need to pick up a colour-wheel from the paint shop or art store, or borrow a book on colour theory from the library. The wheel never lies.
6. Remember, paint dries a shade darker than it appears when it's still wet.
7. Rule of thumb: One dab of paint that's even close to the existing paint colour will disappear entirely into the background of the wall. So don't worry it to death if you can't get the exact shade you want. However, err in the direction of darker when you're spot-painting a dark wall, and lighter when you're trying to match a light-coloured wall.

This is the kind of repair that puts the 'nit' in humanity, but if my theory is correct, you'll live longer.