Good neighbours

Me: They gave us a gift certificate?
Bob: Yes.
Me: To wash our car?
Bob: Yes.
Me: Because they were working in their front yard and may have gotten some dirt on our car?
Bob: Yes.
Me: I love our new neighbours.

This is a recent conversation that I shared with my husband. Bob was trying to explain that our new neighbours, Rob and Nyla Sandler had given us a car wash gift certificate because it was possible that during a recent landscaping project our cars may have gotten dirty. Forgive me for making such a fuss, but honestly I can't think of a more, well...neighborly gesture. And, it has me wondering if we've been missing the essence of "neighbor" all these years? We've certainly exchanged pleasantries with our neighbours, we've dropped off little "welcome" packages when a new family has moved in, and we've even attended a couple of neighborhood get-togethers, but this overture seemed considerate beyond our former neighborhood experiences. Obviously, our new neighbours know how to be good neighbours.

When I phoned Nyla and Rob to thank them for the gift certificate, I asked them how they felt about being a neighbour. "Rob and I both work in very high-tech fields," says Sandler. "As a result, I think we are more attentive to our human relationships when we leave work and we want great relationships with our neighbours. Knowing that our home extends into the larger context of a neighbourhood, we chose the location carefully. Now, we want to make it work for ourselves, our family, and everyone else in our neighbourhood."

What it takes to be a good neighbour

We all know what makes a bad neighbour, but just what makes a good neighbour? A well-maintained lawn, no loud parties, offers of baby-sitting? Clearly, these would be appreciated but what else would cause your neighbour to smile in your direction? I asked Your Home readers this very question and, although circumstances varied widely, being helpful ranked number one on most people's list. Here's an example:

"My neighbours are the best," claims Sandy Richards. When her husband was diagnosed with cancer and couldn't continue with his yard work, their neighbour Norm stepped in to help out. "He cut the lawn all summer - and we have a big lawn," Richards explains. "He also trimmed around the pool, being careful not to get grass clippings in it as he knew how particular my husband was." Richards smiles. As her husband's condition grew worse, all of the neighbours came together to help by assembling the new barbecue her husband so desperately wanted. They also repaired several broken boards on the deck because he spent his "good days" sitting there, admiring the gardens and lawn. When Sandy needed to run errands, they took turns sitting with her husband ensuring that he was not left alone. "When my husband passed away, all the neighbours were involved beyond the day of the funeral," Richards remembers. "They threw an amazing tribute to him with food and drink for more than 80 people. In fact, whenever I would call them, day or night, they would come to comfort me during this most difficult time." Richards says, "They have all been truly wonderful and kind, especially Norm. I don't know that I could have gotten through this sad time without their help and guidance. They gave me the strength to go on while coping with the death of someone I loved so much."

Some neighbours, like Sandy Richard's, are of the folks-next-door variety but Shirley Thomas discovered that neighbours can live several blocks away.

Shirley Thomas knew it was going to be a busy day. After highlighting her friend's hair, she was heading into Hepworth, ON for a house party - almost 90 minutes away. There wasn't a lot of time to spare and she had forgotten to check her gas gauge. "Everything went well until I left my friend's house. Because she was driving to Owen Sound, we both left the house at the same time," Thomas recalls. "Just after I left, I heard my car sputter - uh oh, no gas, I thought." Putting the car into neutral, she attempted to push it off the road and managed to lock the car door with the lights still on. Stranded with her car out of gas, the doors locked tight with the lights burning, she wondered how things could get any worse. "Well, asking my partner to drive two-and-a-half hours to bring my spare set of keys would be no picnic," she muses. Taking a chance, Thomas went to the nearest house to call her sister for help. The door was answered by an elderly gentleman. "I told him I had a problem and asked if I could use his phone," she explains. "I went into the house and was greeted by the wonderful aroma of home-baking." The kind man's wife was baking because their grandchildren were coming home for Thanksgiving. "I telephoned my sister and she was coming to my aid." Thomas continues. "But before she arrived, my two new friends had been successful in unlocking the car with an old wire coat hanger and had returned with a can of gas to fill my tank." They refused an offer of money and sent Thomas on her way with a big hug.

Many readers shared sentiments like these from Joan Smith, "My husband always brings our neighbours' empty garbage cans back when he retrieves ours. When I'm outside, I make sure to smile and wave to others on our street. When a young neighbour had her first baby, I brought over lasagna and a pot of beef stew to help the new parents at meal time."

Marg Richards found her neighbour to be a watchful eye during a stressful time - she was living in Toronto when she and her husband broke up. When she started dating again, through contacts made on the Internet, her elderly neighbour was always awake to ensure she had arrived home safely. "That woman was my second mom," says Richards. "Even at 3:00 a.m., she was there to make sure that she saw my face before I turned in. She was afraid I would meet Jack the Ripper." It turns out that Richards did meet Jack, now her second husband, and they've been married just over a year, living outside of Toronto. "I still miss that caring, loving neighbourhood of Bloor West Village," she confesses.