Kitchen layouts that kill

My cooking is so consistently bad that I've learned to blame the appliances. For example, as I watch my relatives chew unenthusiastically I'll say, "This would have turned out better if we had that new six-burner dual-fuel 60-inch double-oven Wolf range."

Then I sigh heavily, and twiddle my fork in the substandard meal.

So far, my strategy hasn't panned out. Perhaps I've been too subtle.

I think what I really need is a total kitchen remodel so the pasta doesn't get soggy as I'm waiting in line for the single sink. Or, a giant island that'll house the computer, TV, extra sink, and faux ice sculpture (for those rare nights when we entertain). Or we could blow out a few walls so there's enough room that I won't bash into a malingering family member, causing the roast chicken to slide off the platter and forcing me to to wait in line, again, for the single sink, in order to rinse the floor crud off the bird prior to serving.

But there has to be some serious thinking behind all the projected expense so I can serve mediocre meals with arrogance if not pride.

Tri This

The work triangle, which has been with us since the Fifties, is experiencing a remodel of its own. The work triangle was designed for an era when there was only one cook, and only three appliances (fridge, stove, sink).

Herein, as I discovered, lies the problem:

• The sum of the ideal triangle (connecting the centre fronts of the fridge, sink and oven or cooktop) is supposed to be between 15 and 22 feet, putting each of the three appliances within two or three steps of one another.
• No leg of the triangle is supposed to be less than 4 feet or more than 9 feet.
• There should be no human traffic flow (or ancient migratory cat paths) cutting through the triangle.
• Walk space should be 36 inches wide so the cook can rush easily between work areas while carrying stuff, or gesturing angrily at the cat who wants what you're having.

To my horror, the distance from my kitchen sink to the fridge is a whopping 14', through a major thoroughfare. To solve this I would have to put the fridge in the bathroom.

Today's families seldom fit the old single triangle. There are often two cooks, varying schedules and additional appliances including microwaves, dishwashers, toaster ovens, wine coolers, computers, phone/fax, grills and cat appreciation centers. So modern designers are adding multiple workstations, and at least two work triangles to ease the congestion.

Here are some tips for rethinking your kitchen space:

• Try placing the microwave near the refrigerator for convenience
• Walk space should be 42" wide to account for traffic flow and clearance of large appliance doors or large relatives
• Counter space on either side of the range or cooktop should be a minimum of 15 inches
• An 18-inch counter should be adjacent to the fridge on the same side as the handle
• The food prep area (minimum counter space 36 inches) is ideally located between the fridge and the sink; If the food prep area is between the sink and the range or cooktop, it will involve more travel.
• A lower surface is best for food prep (measure 7 to 8 inches below your elbow height)
• In two-cook kitchens, the fridge and range/cooktop are usually shared.
• Two triangles can share a leg, but shouldn't overlap
• An island with a second sink creates at least one more triangle, and adapts to many uses: wet bar location, flower cutting and arranging, homework station etc.

Now if you don't have the $50,000 plus for a total kitchen remodel, rearrange what you can and learn to enjoy the body slams. As a little known middle-aged comedienne once said, "If it weren't for my cramped, badly designed kitchen, I'd have no sex life at all."