Why woodworkers are hot

I spent the whole of last weekend at the Canadian Home Workshop Show in Toronto, where I got to hob-knob with hobbyists. If you're thinking, "Oh baby, what I'd give for a weekend like that." then you may be a toolhead like me.

Here's how you know. You're into tools. You've got a few, and you want more. You have a sacred sanctuary somewhere in your home that is dedicated to hobby-centric activities. You may have a carefully framed photo of your guru, the enigmatic Bob Vila. Your throat makes small, involuntary grunty sounds when you see a well-turned leg or a tight dovetail joint.

You're tactile. You like running your hands over stuff. Your passion for a silky finish is almost hormonal. You were probably precocious in your teenaged years because it was never good enough just to look.

Hobbyists in general, and woodworkers in particular, are sensualists. They like to touch, feel and explore. But they're not obvious about their skills. They don't buy the "Woodworkers make better studs" bumper stickers, even if there's a booth selling 'em for two bucks.

No, a woodworker's charm is subtle and nonchalant. You could walk right past a woodworker and fail to detect the tightly coiled kundalini energies waiting to rise up at the merest whiff of solvent. But you can't miss the inner confidence that whispers, "I know my way around a plunge router and I don't care who knows it."

At the Workshop Show I introduced a lot of people to my new best friend, the scroll saw. My new buddy helped me build a sensual Tree Magazine Rack. Even if you're a total beginner, you can make this project, plus you'll develop woodworker's charisma while you're at it.

Now, until last week, I always used a jigsaw to make all my straight and curvy lines. A jigsaw is one of the three basic tools every hobbyist should have (along with a drill and a sander), but a jigsaw is a cowboy tool, unable to supply the finesse achievable with a scroll saw.

Upgrading to a scroll saw will make you delirious with the possibilities. It can cut either straight lines or curvy lines, but is capable of much tighter curves than a jigsaw. In fact, it can spin such tight circles you'll feel like Elvis Stojko at the end of his long program, but without the screaming girls.

You can get a scroll saw for under $150. Why wait? You will, honestly, have more wholesome fun than you've had in months.

Project Suggestions

1. Buy a few sheets of foamcore (available at art supply stores) and sketch your design onto it.
2. Cut out the pieces with an X-acto knife and assemble the structure.
3. Decide if you like it. If not, change some of the proportions and try again. Foamcore is cheaper than wood, so the mistakes are less irritating.
4. Once you've got a design that works, transfer the design onto a sheet of quarter-inch Baltic birch plywood, which is very fine, high-end plywood meant for use in woodworking projects. You can buy it at home centres or plywood specialty places.
5. Roughly cut the pieces apart using your jigsaw
6. Trim the pieces along your pencil lines using your scroll saw
7. Clamp matching pieces together and sand the edges
8. Transfer or trace the tree design onto the front piece. You can also photocopy the picture above, enlarge it to the desired size, then rubber cement it to the plywood and use it as a cutting guide.
9. Drill a small hole in the middle of each of the pieces that need to be removed (i.e. between the branches).
10. Insert the scroll saw blade through the first drilled hole, clamp the piece down, reinstall the blade and hit the 'On' button. Off you go, steering like Bobby Unser behind the wheel of a performance vehicle. When the piece is cut out, detach the scroll saw blade, pull the piece out, and move on to the next drilled hole.
11. Sand all the parts smooth. If you have a Dremel rotary tool equipped with a drum-sanding bit, using it will diminish your sanding time on the inside curves (it took many tedious hours to file and sand all the little branches by hand.)
12. Apply four coats of water-based urethane to each of the pieces, scuffing the surfaces between coats with fine sandpaper (220 grit) so there are no lumps and bumps on your surface. TIP: Hang the pieces on a wire line to speed up and simplify the process of painting on the clear coat.
13. Assemble the rack using carpenter's glue and clamps.

The scroll saw is as easy to operate as a basic sewing machine, and has a blade guard so risk of injury is low. Scroll saws use either 'plain end' or 'pin end' blades. Some machines can take either. Pin blades are easier to install, but aren't available in as much variety, so consider this when you're buying your machine.

Once you own a scroll saw, you'll feel a surge in your creativity and even in your IQ. That's because woodworking is so relaxing, you'll gain access to parts of your brain that have been shut off for years just from stress. Have fun, and I'll be looking for you in the new reality series "Are You as Hot as a Woodworker?"

Extras

Stack wood together to make 'gang cuts' - for example, the front and back have the same dimensions, so why cut them out separately? Tape two pieces of wood together securely using double-sided toupee tape (available at wig shops), make the cuts, sand the edges, and then pry the finished pieces apart.

If you don't have enough clamps or the clamps aren't working for you (because they're designed to hold things at right angles, and your project may be flared like mine, so the clamps are merely a source of irritation) try using blue masking tape to hold the pieces in alignment. Blue masking tape is engineered to adhere beautifully, and is strong enough to put pressure on a joint, but won't remove the finish when you pull the tape off, even after a few days.