Cleaning fridge coils

Sometimes you'll see a gaggle of people talking in low voices at a party. They smirk and their lips are a little too curly. They glance around the room, not really looking at anyone, just trying to make sure no one is overhearing what they're saying. You immediately know that they're discussing certain, shameful things. That's right: refrigerator coils.

I like to catch their eyes and point at them across the crowded room, and yell "Freak!" and bug my eyes out. It's a good way to meet new people, and it puts them on the defensive so you have the upper hand socially.

And speaking of social matters, I took an informal poll to find out who cleans their fridge coils. Regularly. As in, more than once a decade. I was suspicious about some of the responses I got, based on a U.S. study which found that 70% of the refrigerators in local dumps arrive with appallingly filthy coils.

Fridges suck power; they're responsible for about 15-20% of your electric bill. Keeping the coils clean means reducing your electrical costs by as much as 6%.

The coils are underneath your fridge if it's a newer model or on the back of the unit if it's older. The coils' purpose is to dissipate heat. They can't get rid of the heat if they're covered in an insulating layer of cooking oils, dust and pet fur. So your fridge may run continuously, or the compressor may overheat, causing the fridge to break down and causing you to be the subject of cocktail conversation.

Follow these tips and you'll never earn those questionable looks at parties:

• Unplug the fridge first and stick the plug in your belt loop so you don't walk away and leave it unplugged after you're finished
• Clean rear-mounted coils once a year with a coil brush, which looks like an alien probe, or a vacuum crevasse tool.
• Putting the fridge on rollers makes the job a lot less irritating, although the act of putting the rollers under the fridge takes two people and is VERY irritating, especially if the fridge comes down hard and busts one of the rollers because the person holding it had sweaty hands
• If you have to move the fridge out from the wall and you don't have rollers, put some cardboard or a heavy drop-cloth down to protect the floor or the fridge may mar it.
• If the coils are sporting a filmy build-up, use warm soapy water to clean them.
• Clean bottom-mounted coils every six months, more often if you have hairy pets
• Shine a flashlight underneath periodically to see if things have gotten scary under there
• Bottom-mounted coils are hidden behind a kick plate that may be spring mounted and should snap off without too much grunting
• Bottom coils have a condenser fan that draws air acros the coils; if the openings on the grill are full of pet fur, the fan won't be doing its job
• Most modern fridges are self-defrosting. They drain into a pan under the fridge. The moisture should evaporate on its own, but you should check it and clean it up with detergent and water if it's disgusting or full of mould.
• Clean your door gaskets while you're at it. You should be able to put a piece of paper in your fridge door, close it, and find the paper difficult to remove. If it comes out too easily, clean those babies or consider replacing them.
• Get the really, really long crevasse attachment if you can find one at your hardware store. It makes a great conversation starter when you're feeling strapped for small talk.