Hard-shelled gourd bird feeders

There are things you struggle with your whole life, like how to develop character without embarrassing yourself, or how to smile without showing your gums, or how to make wood curve. I've had no success at all with the first two, but the wood thing has been kind of fun.

Maybe this is a chick issue, but it just seems wrong that most things built from lumber are angular. Trees are full of curvy, organic shapes but lumber mills have the habit of producing perfectly linear boards.

I'm not bitter. There are lots of ways to take the angles out of lumber. Once I built a wood-steamer using of a big old piece of pipe. I capped the pipe at one end, stuck a board in it and hooked up the other end to an electric kettle. That worked great, except here's a tip: Don't use previously enjoyed sewage pipe.

I've tried making wood curvy by carving it, but that takes skill. And medical attention. Another option is to use a lathe to turn lumber into balloony, rounded shapes like table legs or spindles. But this investment would exceed my allowance, my attention span and my ability to apologize for bad workmanship.

So instead I've turned to nature's answer: glorious, curvy gourds. Hard-shelled gourds cure with a rigid, woody shell that can be drilled, etched, carved, sanded, painted, burned and stained, just like wood. So you can easily make rounded baskets, ladles, jugs, candleholders, birdhouses, pitchers, bowls, wall sconces and even musical instruments. (You'll do well in bars when you say, "I play gourd".)

Gourds range in size (1"-24" in diameter), shape (cannonball, canteen, kettle, bushel basket and bottle shapes) and hue, with most falling in the tanned-leather colour range.

You can even grow your own if you've got a climate that provides a growing season of 110-140 days with full sun and at least 50 days of temperatures above 26 degrees Celsius (80 degrees Fahrenheit). The gourds are harvested after the first hard frost and then cured outside through the winter until they're dry and hard and ready to be turned into an amazing assortment of projects.

If you don't crave the adventure of gourd-farming, you can order tools, kits and any size or shape of pre-dried gourd from Northern Dipper Farm, 1666 Villa Nova Road, RR#1 Wilsonville, Ontario N0E 1Z0; 1-519-443-5638. Gourd prices are calculated by diameter (one dollar per inch).

Tips for Making an Easy Birdfeeder

1. Gourd shells develop fascinating mouldy patterns as they cure, creating a random patina. Clean off the surface debris by soaking the gourd in warm water (mixed with a little bleach) for half an hour before scrubbing with a coper scouring pad.
2. Traditional lumber clamps don't work for keeping a rounded gourd in a stable position. Use rags to create a donut-shaped nest for the gourd and cover the nest with non-skid material like (vinyl drawer-liner).
3. Hand tools, power hobby tools and sharp knives can be used to cut into the shell. I found it easiest to drill a hole first, and then insert a keyhole saw or drywall knife to cut openings.
4. A rotary tool like a Dremel is great for sanding the edges of your cuts.
5. Remove the dried seed mass inside the gourd and scrape the interior with an ice-cream scoop, grapefruit spoon or melon-baller. Or fit a wire-brush disk into your drill and scour the interior surface. If you intend to use the gourd with food, it's very important to clean and smooth the porous interior using sand paper or a metal pot scrubber.
6. If you want colour, finish the inside and outside of the gourd with stain or leather dye.
7. Clear-coat both interior and exterior surfaces with water-based urethane or food-grade wax.
8. Attach green twigs around the openings using copper or corrosion-resistant wire. Drill small holes for the wire. Twist curlicues into the ends of the wire with pliers, and then twist the curlicues around each other to lock them in position.
9. Drill drainage holes in the bottom of the feeder so rain won't collect in it and produce mildew or rotten seeds.
10. Lay a circular piece of screen in the bottom of the feeder to add further drainage and to prevent the seeds from falling through the drainage holes.
11. Drill two holes in the top of the gourd and attach a rope or wire handle (knotted on the underside).

Hang your feeder in the yard and then shriek "Gourd morning!" just so the neighbours know you're up to no gourd. Oh gourd grief. I gourda stop.