Choosing a cordless drill

You can pay big money for a self-esteem seminar, or you can buy yourself a cordless drill. I recommend the drill. For one thing, it's cheaper. For another thing, if it doesn't work, you get your money back. Besides, you can wear your drill in a holster on your belt, and if that doesn't scream, "I know who I am, and I'm learning to deal with it" I don't know what does.

Strap on a holster and you'll be amazed at the feeling you get from a six-pounder grazing your thigh. You'll walk like someone who can spit expansion co-efficients faster than John Wayne could huck a loogie. And you'll be able to face your high school reunion, knowing you're packing the kind of torque your jeans had back in Grade 11.

Or, if you're around forty and you suddenly realize you've never had a baby, you can find solace in a cordless drill. There are many parallels. People will want to hold it, coo over it, and they'll like the way it smells.

There are three things to look for in your cordless drill: variable speed, a keyless chuck and the correct weight for your size and strength.

Variable speed

If you lightly depress the trigger on a drill, and it jumps to blazing speed with no warning, you are not holding a variable speed drill. 'Variable speed' means the drill operates like a sewing machine; light pressure on the trigger makes it run quite slowly, and more pressure speeds it up.

Using a cheap drill that doesn't have variable speed is harder on your self-esteem than going to a bad hairdresser, and then deciding not to go to her anymore and just when your hair is looking really dire, you run into her at the mall and she gives you that look, like you're a dork. So you book another appointment with her right then and there. And then later you phone and cancel with a lame excuse like 'I have shingles'. Not that I've ever done that.

Keyless chuck

Many drills come equipped with keyless chucks, and so should yours. A keyless chuck means you don't have to use a little steel key to tighten and un-tighten the gripping tines that secure a drill bit in the chuck.

A keyless chuck is usually high-impact plastic, with ribbing that makes it easy to grip. Holding the chuck while reversing the drill lets you loosen and remove a bit, whereas gripping the chuck and running the drill in 'forward' tightens a bit in place. This is a much more efficient way to work than using a nasty key. With a keyless chuck, you'll quickly develop finesse and speed in your bit changes. Others will see this as cat-like sensuality. Just ask them. If they give you the wrong answer it's their problem, not yours.

Heft

The weight of your drill depends on the size of the battery it's sporting. Batteries range in capacity from a demure 7 volts all the way up to heavy-duty beefcakes (30 volts). For most people, a 12-volt cordless drill is a great all-around tool with plenty of torque and versatility. If you have small hands, arthritis or you just like to pack a little something extra in your makeup bag, go for one of the 7-volt babies.

Accessorizing

It's great if your drill comes with a carrying case, extra battery and charger. If you're in the market for additional power tools, I like the kits that include a jigsaw and/or circular saw. They share the same batteries and add clout to your creative potential. You'll also need a drill index, which is a graduated selection of twist drill bits.

If you're the curious sort, you'll want to drill into all available surfaces. Here's a cheat sheet for your endeavours:

• Ceramic tile, sandstone, glass - use a glass/tile drill bit, available in all hardware stores Metal - use carbide-tipped drill bits for sheet metal, or a cobalt drill bit for thicker plate metal. You may want to lubricate the bit with a little drilling oil, since the bit gets quite warm. Also, make a dimple in the metal first using a hammer and nail or a compression punch, so you can start drilling without the bit skating around.
• Concrete - use a masonry bit. Masonry bits are a tad sluggish in a regular drill, but they work. If you expect to drill often into concrete, buy a model with a 'hammer-drill' setting (hammer settings are usually only available on models that are 14-volts and higher). The hammer setting allows the bit to vibrate as well as grind, so it makes much faster progress through concrete. If you burn out your bit by getting it too hot it will turn dark grey. This means the steel has lost its temper and will no longer cut, so replace it.
• Wood - use normal carbon steel drill bits. I like titanium bits too; they stay really sharp.
• Acrylic or polycarbonate - use a plastic tapping bit, available from industrial plastic suppliers.
• Dirt - for speedy planting of bulbs and bedding material, use a planting auger in your drill (available through Rittenhouse, Toll Free: 877-488-1914, ).

Caution: You may want to sleep with your new drill under your pillow for the first couple of nights. This is normal. Just remove the battery so that if you roll over on it, there are no surprises. I've ruined more pillows.