How to make clocks as Christmas gifts

Every morning I get up and go outside. First thing. No matter what. There could be a blizzard, howling and snapping and siphoning water out of my eyes, sending teary sheets down the moguls of my crisp-frozen cheeks.

But out I go. My goal? Bringing delicious sunflower seeds to the local chickadees, who've spent the night on a tree branch, cozying up to each other like a feathery shish kebab.

My seedy ritual is the one time of day when I feel like anything is possible, even my ultimate goal of being able to walk through a room without bumping into any furniture.

We all need a few private moments each day to project dizzying personal success onto the future. So what greater gift can you give this season than the gift of time, that weird magical force that's bound to humble us over the 80-odd years we're given to realize that, as Jon Lithgow puts it, "Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug."

It's Party Time

Time is a universal affliction, so invite a few friends over for a clock-making shindig and watch the minutes fly by as you drill, hammer, chisel and flock around the clock. You can turn anything into a clock, and I mean anything. Clock parts are available for less than ten bucks from a host of woodworkers' supply places including Lee Valley Tools. The trim, discreet battery-powered quartz mechanism can be hidden behind or within any object, making your options endless if marginally tasteful.

Steps

1. Drill a 1/4-inch hole in the object of your choice.
2. Push the stem (located on the front side of the 2 1/2 inch square plastic quartz mechanism) through the hole.
3. Screw on the little brass nut that snugs the clockwork in position.
4. Pop on the hour hand.
5. Pop on the minute hand.
6. Press the second hand into position.
7. Add some stick-on numbers (available in various styles, or make your own with paint, nail polish, tiny plastic action figures or whatever your imagination deploys.
8. Wrap that baby.

If your giftee is always late for things because he/she has no bathroom clock, you can easily make one out of a leftover tile. Get a glass and tile bit (roughly $8). Drill the hole (so fast and easy it's breathtaking), reaming it from both sides of the tile to smooth the opening. Insert the clockwork stem and follow the directions above. A glass and tile bit also works great on old ceramic or porcelain plates.

If you want to make a clock out of a treasured lunchbox or other metal object, get a carbide-tipped drill bit (or a cobalt bit for plate metal if you're drilling through, say, a piece of the hull of a WWII naval destroyer). You may want to lubricate your bit with a little drilling oil, since the bit gets toasty warm. Also, to prevent your bit from skating around, make a dimple in the metal first using a hammer and nail.

If you've got a treasured concrete Elvis plaque that's screaming to be made into a clock, grab a masonry bit to grind through the art-piece and create the aperture for the quartz mechanism's stem.

Wood is easy. Use a hole saw (a serrated cylindrical bit) to carve a circle big enough to house the quartz mechanism. Then use a sharp chisel to remove the wood inside the edges of the circle. The clockworks will sit inside the hole, so make it deep enough to allow the finished clock to sit flush against the wall when it's hung.

If you've got some kind of acrylic or plastic memorabilia, use a plastic tapping bit to make the suitable hole.

Tip

The only trick to buying a correctly-sized clockworks is the length of the stem. Remember to measure the thickness of the material you're using for a clock face so that you know how long the clock stem needs to be to reach through it. Kits have stems ranging from three quarters of an inch to one inch. The hands, available in many styles, pop onto the stem. The hours on a clock are placed 30 degrees apart. You don't really need to mark the hours if you want your giftee to feel unpressured, but don't forget the AA battery.